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Audiobooks and Why I Can't Do My Own

I don't like audiobooks. I'm glad that lots of people like them, but for me, all it does is become white noise. I'm amazed that people can listen to, follow, and engage with an audiobook while driving to and from work. Now, I love car rides for the sake of listening to music and basically use the time to wildly hallucinate and then wonder how I got to my destination without crashing my car. So, maybe it's similar?

When I'm writing something, I'll typically crank out two to three chapters in the course of a four hour stint at my keyboard. And I tend to start my writing time with rereading whatever I wrote the night prior. Not only does it plop me back into the mindset I was in previously, but it also lets me catch minor mistakes (usually). In those moments, I sometimes find myself doing the "dialogue check", where I read my characters dialogue out loud and barely read the descriptions, because I'm focused on literally sitting at my computer and practically 'acting' out each of my characters dialogue to see if it sounds right. In these moments, I've wondered if I could do my own audiobooks.

Tonight I was reminded why I most definitely cannot.

I'd be bawling like a baby and have to take frequent breaks during specific chapters and scenes.

Like, I legit reached a point in reading through a scene where I was blubbering so bad that tears were rolling down my cheeks and my nose got so stuffy I couldn't breathe. And I can assure you, I will always have this issue with this scene in book 5. Because when I go back and reread sections of books 2 through 4, I find myself snatching tissues three chapters in advance 'cause I don't want to have to get up after bawling at my desk for ten minutes straight.

How do audiobook recorders read stupid sad stuff and NOT bawl? How do authors read their own books and NOT bawl at the sad parts? Every time I get to one of these moments in the books I become a total mess. Every. Time.

And I highly, highly doubt that anyone would want to hear my sniffling, blubbering mess of a voice sobbing as I try to read character dialogue and descriptions through a stuffy nose and a constantly straining voice. Like, if anything would distract an audiobook listener, I imagine it'd be that.

Can you imagine listening to a book, everything's going fine, and then all the sudden the reader just starts weeping uncontrollably? Probs wouldn't go over well.

So yeah. I need someone to do the audiobook for me.

In other news, I finally landed on a series name and chapter names that don't make me gag! Yay!


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